Solitude & Sereni.tea

Sometimes we have to take more than one stab at something in order to get it right, or to even give it a chance to stick. This does not make us failures. But it does mean that we recognize that we need to give these new habits a little more time, in order to get them to stick. So I am going to repeat my first week of the self-care program to really lean into it, and learn from these lessons. Today was a day full of lessons.

Here is what happened. It has a bit of a backstory. Exactly 10 months ago, I suffered a pretty bad concussion. I had fallen while out for a walk. I didn’t trip over anything, I just took a step and fell over my feet and didn’t break my fall with my hands, so I landed on my head. I suffered some cuts and bruises, a black eye, broken glasses, and an hemorrhage in my left eye. I was lucky, I could have broken my neck. But I managed to walk home, and have some nurse and first aid friends attend to me and my injuries.

I have been getting some symptoms from that injury the last couple of days – increased anxiety, and some double vision. And so while I have been wanting to go outside and walk 10km every day, I realize that I should probably spending a little more time drinking water and laying on my sofa. So that is what I have been doing the last 2 days.

I had very little sleep last night, so I was tired this morning, my vision was a little off even by my new standards. But I had made an appointment for some time with my esthetician. And while I see her often (every month) I didn’t want to miss my standing appointment for a pedicure and other self care services just because I wasn’t feeling 100%. Everything was great. I have a really cute summer manicure, my pedicure was good, and my brows and lashes look fantastic. I feel great. I am relaxed! Still tired but feeling gooooood!

Five minutes later, I am leaving her shop, walk down the stairs and onto the street. I walk to the curb, wait for the light to change, step off the curb and crumple into the intersection, completely sprawled out. Once again I have done a face plant. This time however, it’s on a really busy street. And if some quick thinking man hadn’t jumped between me and a turning car, I would have gotten run over. All the work that my friend had done for me today was ruined. All the work that I had put into this week was ruined. My skirt ruined. Pedicure ruined. Sunglasses ruined. I am covered in cuts and bruises. I have a bump on my head. And if I wasn’t working on a gratitude practice that is all this day would be today.

However, some really amazing things happened.

• I spent 2+ hours with an old friend who made me feel pretty and good
• I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a muffin and a walk around a pretty neighbourhood before my appointment
• A complete stranger saved my life today
• I met a lovely woman and her beautiful daughter on the hunt for some hydrangeas who talked to me about their self-care practices, as she also suffers from prolonged symptoms from a concussion and cant seem to find a doctor to take her seriously. She gave me a great deal to think about
• I found a day spa in my own neighbourhood who provided me with a polish change so I wouldn’t walk around with chipped polish and a reminder of what happened this morning
• I get to wear Scooby-Doo bandaids.
• I got up, dusted myself off, and limped on with my day, and still managed to come home with pretty feet and hands, and lashes, and brows.

This wasn’t the end to my first week of my self care planning that I had hoped for. I wanted this week to show that I had walked at least 70km, with lightly tanned and freckled skin. I wanted to feel empowered, strong, and confident. I wanted to have slept at least 50 hours this week. I wanted to feel pretty and cared for. This week wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t a complete failure either. I walked 4 days this week, and there is still one more day left to go. I did 5 days of yoga workouts. I did manage some quality time asleep. I did get quite a few more freckles, I had powerful conversations, and I got to spend time with friends.

But because this week didn’t show up exactly how I wanted it to – I get to do it again. On Monday, we are restarting this project. Week one is all about spending time outside, and exercising. And maybe slowing down ever so slightly.

Won’t you join me.

Tonight’s tea – Anxiety Reset-Microdosed Herbal Tea by TeaBreaks