Solitude & Sereni.tea

This week in my meditation class, we are discussing and reflecting on the topic of flow. The concept seems so easy. Be present. Be so completely immersed in the moment or in the activity that you are enjoying. When was the last time you did that? I have glimpses of it. But it doesn’t last long for me. Maybe when I was playing guitar and was performing on stage, but it’s been years since I have done that. These days, meditation is the closest I get to achieving flow. And for several seconds today, I achieved a flow state.

I asked myself, in what area do I need this flow to happen. For a long time now, I have been wanting a new job, but have been scared to leave the industry I am in – eventhough I know what I am doing is not right for me. I want a job where there is immense joy, and I have a sense of purpose, but also one that can pay my bills and help me boost myself into a higher income bracket. I want to work in the arts sector. I know full well that in Canada, the arts are not well supported, though I am quite positive that I can find something that pays better than what I make now. Like I said, I have been really scared to leave the comfort of where I am. So I asked for some guidance, I asked for some flow. I received 2 messages during this meditation. The first was, play – to find my way back to my guitar. But play for fun, not to learn new repertoire to teach a new student, and not to prepare for a performance. But just play for my own enjoyment. And so I will, as soon as these injuries heal. The second message I received was, “meet yourself where you are”.

Heh! “Meet yourself where you are”. I have written several times over this past week, about how I am restarting this 90 days of self-care journey, because I felt that I needed more practice. How silly! This 90 days is a practice. Just because I fell flat on my face (or a bit more than that) doesn’t mean I failed. I just need to tweak my practice a bit. So I can’t exercise the way I want to for the next couple of days. I can move forward with my plans. So I am entering the healthy eating week. And since it’s going to be hovering 30 deg Celsius this week, healthy eating will look like mason jar salads – a lot of them.

So forget everything I said about needing more practice. Clearly I was out of my mind. We are continuing on, albeit with a great deal of care.

I am going to let the water (in this case: play, presence and self – care) reshape my obstacles (fear). Change doesn’t just happen. It needs to flow. Overtime the obstacles will erode into pebbles and then into nothingness. I am ready for this!
Along with flow this week, I am going to add in a heavy sprinkling of trust. I trust that someone who is in a position to connect me with a hiring manager of an arts organization will read this blog post, and be utterly charmed by me, and decide to engage in a.conversation with me about my many talents.

*no tea was taken with this blog post tonight. It’s just too hot to drink tea. And I don’t like unsweetened iced tea, and I refuse to drink sugar at almost 10pm when I have to get up for meditation class at 5:30 am tomorrow.

Goodnight!