Solitude & Sereni.tea

I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone, so if you are one of the people who look amazing when you look in the mirror at the salon and love what you see (both before and after your service) this post is not for you. However, if you are like me and are frightened of the hag looking back at you, when you get your hair done. Welcome this is a very safe space. I had the hag experience today, and it made me feel awful about myself.

My self care plan is going well this week. I have gotten outside everyday, I am eating healthier (except for the day when I ate a lot of perogies, but that can be forgiven because I had really bad PMS. I have dropped a few pounds, I have a light summer tan and many more freckles, my therapy is challenging but otherwise going quite well. And I am just overall feeling a lot better about life. And I woke up this morning feeling really good about myself. Even when I was doing some yoga at lunchtime, I did it with a smile on my face (that rarely happens, but I was feeling good).

Cut to this afternoon, when I scheduled a short hair appointment to just get my bangs trimmed. It’s a luxury of time. I admit it, but better that they get done properly instead of me butchering them. I sat down in the chair, looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw a sweaty mess of a monster who looks like she swallowed 10 bowling balls. My hair is matted, I look like I gained 50 pounds, I just looked like garbage. Yesterday my therapist told me I was stunning and glowing from all the work and the self care I have been doing. What happened to that woman.

I left the salon feeling horrible about myself. I texted a friend and said, “what is with the mirrors at salons that make you look so ugly”, and she knew exactly what I was talking about. Which makes me feel better knowing I am not alone. But why is this happening. Does anyone know? It’s not that my hair was wet and hanging in my face, I had just sat and down and was attacked by the uglies. If you know the reason, please leave a comment.

The good thing about having a friend who also lives with this nightmare is that she was quick to offer the following advice, once I told her I was going to walk off the ugly. She said enjoy that your body is healthy and feels good to do this activity. She’s right. Her words tweaked my perspective slightly, and I was able to go enjoy a 15km walk – though I was fairly self conscious at various times throughout the walk.

Next time I hit the salon, I will remember to wear a nicer outfit, and do spend a great deal of time doing my hair and makeup before I sit in that chair again.

*As soon as I finish writing this post, I will be purchasing this sticker and putting it on my bathroom mirror. You can purchase it from this Etsy store.

*Tonight’s tea drink is a greens smoothie (no tea in it at all). I just got back from my walk and have chosen to get my nutrients in smoothie form and cut a few calories.