Solitude & Sereni.tea

Last night, I had quite an intensive session with my therapist. I wont be sharing the gory details here, but the topics of conversation were: spiritual death, spiritual awakening and its toll on relationships (all of them), ghosts, abuse, and the reframing of my childhood. Right when we were smack in the middle of the heaviest of these topics, we ran out of time. And so I had to deal with this on my own for the rest of the night. Needless to say, I had a hard time turning off my brain. Actually not a hard time, because I just didn’t do that at all. No sleep was had.

But just because Im exhausted and didnt sleep for 2 seconds, doesn‘T mean I am able to call in sick. I have a job to do after all – and I am somewhat a responsible adult, so I got dressed and went to work. Though I am lucky enough to work from home. So there is no commute.

And though I am required to use my brain at work, when I don’t sleep it runs slowly and ineffectually. So I devised a plan to help me get out of my head during the work hours. I would take frequent 3-4 minute breaks and make muffins. So many muffins. Exactly four batches of muffins.

I made blueberry muffins, cherry and marmalade muffins, oatmeal raspberry muffins, and orange cranberry muffins. Here’s the thing. It kind of worked. I managed to get out of my head. I didnt think about what was going on in my life. I was able to move around a bit and keep myself from falling asleep at my desk. It even got me smiling. Until I had a table full of muffins, and no one to eat them (photo above is before I decided to become a bakery). I didn’t dare eat a muffin, lest I eat them all. So at lunch time, I made little goodie baskets, and after work, I took my bounty around my neighbourhood and passed them out to the small businesses I frequent, to thank them for their service they provide. They seemed surprised and thankful. I dont know if they ate them or not. If they didn’t they at least waited until I was out of their line of sight before throwing them away. But I put smiles on their faces, and they made me feel better.

And while baking muffins isn’t the same as journaling or taking a yoga class, it did help me to think about something else for a while so I could get on with my day.

I think I might try cookies tomorrow.